LOAHH #1: The Wrongful Walt.

Lesson #1 from a Heart House: Don't put your faith in Walt.
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Walt Disney that is.

You see, I'm here on the very precipice of some rather life changing events. What exactly? To commitment to spend the rest of my entirety with the same person. Forever.


This is a moment, which my childhood tell me, should be filled with butterflies and birds that hang streamers from the trees and tweet music that sounds oddly like human voices. I should converse with gnomes, wear a diamond encrusted gown everywhere I go, I probably have a lot more makeup on.

Disney.

And not just Disney. Every romantic movie that has ever been made, every romance novel that's ever been written, and pretty well every fantasy that a girl has growing up and dreaming of someday finding her prince charming.

Now Disney, and this fantasy version of true love, has followed along behind me my whole life. I can tell you that I clung way too tight to the notion that if you truly love someone, you will struggle through every tough moment, because that's what true lovers do.

Elegant, beautiful, and insanely stupid. When you're almost a decade into a relationship that leaves you in tears, hating yourself, trying desperate to be the person your significant other wants you to be, and still failing miserably to ever make them happy despite your best efforts, guess what?? It's not true love! This notion of true love sacrifices is bull. The reality, is that true love is balanced. You compromise. You both work equally hard (maybe at different times) to keep the thing afloat. You each apologize sometimes, you each act like a dick sometimes, and you both feel bad about how you behaved sometimes. That's love.

So getting out of that, I wondered if I'd ever find that "soul mate". Oh how novel. How romantic.

I can tell you, I truly feel, every day that I wake up, that I found that person. I found that person that lets me be more me than I've ever been. That loves all of my flaws, supports me, cares for me, makes me feel like a magical spoiled princess every day of my life since I met him.

And yet, it's still not Disney.

Disney doesn't have that moment when you're brushing your teeth and there's beard hair on your sink. SERIOUSLY!!! Aurgh!

That's not in Disney.

The funny thing, where previously I had the desire to wax the ex's face to prove to him that *maybe* he could be bothered to wipe the counter when he's done shaving his face off (I'm good enough not to shave my underarms over YOUR toothbrush), it was a different reaction the first time this happened in my new home, when my true love of a man stayed the night.

It should have been irritation. But instead, I had that mini Disney moment, where I went "Awww! It's like what the next 45 years of our life together will be like. Think of how many times in the future this is going to drive me insane. Hehe".

Yeah. I did that. I actually THOUGHT it was CUTE that I found beard hair on my sink.

That's because this very strange thing happens when you fall in real love with someone. This "soul mate" that's beyond Disney in proportions.

It's this insane onslaught of harsh and cruel reality, smacking you in the face.

Let me tell you about it.



First, you start to notice all those annoying things they do that are going to annoy you for the next 50 years. I think in my past life, I would have cringed. In my new life? There's something cozy knowing that. And knowing that here is someone, who's taken stock of all of my annoying habits (WHY IS THERE PRESSED POWDER ON EVERYTHING I OWN?!) and decided that they love me enough to deal with them forever too.

You also have this weird moment, if you're a late-20's, hormonally charged female, you suddenly one day, have this crazy (I mean crazy) voice in your head that's compelling you to yell out "I want your babies" in the most inopportune time. THANKFULLY your smart enough to know that this is not only a romance-killer for most men at this point in the relationship, but it's probably a bit of a relationship conversation point best left to other moments in time.

That moment, which comes shortly after you realize that you love him like crazy and want to spend forever with him, is followed a few months later (or a year in my case) by that moment when he's across the room tickling a baby and your ovaries very nearly climb out of your body and race across the floor towards him. 

What I mean, is you look across the room, and see a man that isn't just a future husband. You suddenly see the father of your children. You see the way he'll run his fingers through their hair, or the way he'll smile when he makes them giggle. A part of you will dream about what that giggle will sound like. Maybe it'll be as cute as his laugh, and that makes you smile more. Suddenly, you're not just looking at this man that's insanely masculine and sexy, but as a DAD.

What?? I know. Suddenly "Dad" is a sexy term. Which is INSANE. You're thinking, I'm not even 30!! Dad is still a gross term that screams incest or like doing your professor or something. But nope. The notion of this man being the father of your children, is some sort of crazy sexy turn on. And it won't take you long before you're telling him that.

...which is made worse when instead of running away in terror like you thought months ago he would at the very thought of babies and diapers and an extra hormonal version of your already crazy self, he's smiling and talking about how cute your babies would be and how excited he is to share that moment with you.

All of this is leading up to the big day. First the engagement. The moment when he professes he wants forever with you.

You'll get scared. It won't be because you're second guessing forever with him. It's cause you're terrified that you won't get forever with him. Mounting divorce rates, friends who are fighting with their husbands, parents who have lost their lovers...your heart is terrified that you love this person SO much to want forever with them, that you might not survive if you don't get just that.

You assess them in a whole new way. Those annoying habits. How they spend their money. How they treat children and dogs. If they're going to want the same type of wedding as you? Are you willing to change your name? Does his mom actually like you? Gawd, your parents are going to be giddy about getting grand children.

And so on.

Walt Disney never shows this. We get gorgeous dresses and long kisses and a gut-twisting feeling that is accompanied by harps that assures you this is the one.

Reality is, you've assessed your financial situations, considered all the things you both need to work on, which habits you're going to have to find ways to avoid getting irritated about, when you want to marry based on convenience and timing, not based on romantic fantasy, when he should move in (again, based on the rationality of it all), how much you hope he doesn't spend on a ring because you REALLY would rather buy a dishwasher, the fact that you want his niece as the flower girl but not his nephew as the ring bearer and what he'll think...

You come the the conclusion that this is the man of your dreams, NOT because he's the dreamy perfection of that dark haired prince you dreamed up when you were 11.

You conclude that he's the man of your dreams, because of the seamless way your lives will mesh and you ability to get through the hard times together. It's not magical in any way, other than the fact that somehow, all this reality and practicality, still has you bubbling with excitement about the big day.

Real love is far better than Disney. Disney ends at the marriage. Real love goes on forever, for as long as you're both willing to keep working at it. Now that's love.

A Heart House.

Welcome to "Lessons of a Heart House".

When I started building my own house in the country, I thought it was going to be a challenge, but one that I was up for. During the process, I fell in love with a man who would become my husband, and share in the adventures and exhaustion.

After 2 years of building, we're finally at a place in our lives where things are slowing down, and I knew it was time to open up our home and explore all the lessons that have come, and are yet to come, from living in your heart house.

A heart house isn't just any house you buy. This is a home that is locked to your being, your soul. Everything in that home, means something to you, and has a story to tell. For us, it's 15 acres just 3 miles from town, and 10 miles from where I grew up. It's thick trees and a winding driveway, and a little house with a big front porch and too many windows to clean.

This is where I felt like the greatest, most wonderful times of my life truly began. This is where I found "home" and "family" and the love that would lead me off into the remainder of my life. This is home.

I share it currently with a wonderful fiance G, a wily little cat named Pixel and a furry white dog named Halo. Who knows who'll share in our heart house in the future.